We are officially only 15 hours away from Gotcha!!! I can't believe that we are actually here and this is happening. It seems really surreal right now. I keep waiting for all the nerves to kick in, but I am crazy calm. Very Weird. I figure it will all kick in tonight when I try to get some sleep.
For as excited as we are there is also a little bit of sadness in this night. Tonight will be the last night Konnor spends in an orphanage. The last night he will ever be hungry, cold or scared with noone to comfort him. It is the last night that he will go without knowing the unconditional love of a forever family. This makes my heart burst with joy b/c I know the life that is coming for this little boy. The part that hurts is that it is also the last night he will ever be in an orphanage. I know right now you are all thinking I am crazy. We think of orphanages as this big bad scary horrible place. What we have to remember is that those Nannies and other children are the only family Konnor knows. The sounds, the smells, the texture of the clothes and the taste of the food are all normal to him. The things that we find so lacking and awful are his safety net. It is all he has ever known. To have these things, these people and this place, suddenly ripped from him is going to be traumatic. He is going to be thrust into the arms of strangers who don't speak his language, and who don't even know how he eats or when he naps. As his Mother it breaks my heart to think of how scared he will be. I know this is best for him. I know that we can provide things for him that would never have been available otherwise, but I absolutely HATE that he has to go through this scary time. I wish I could be the fairy Godmother who waives her wand and makes it all better, but I'm not. All we can do is love him and do the best that we can.
So tonight I ask that you pray for our family. That Konnor's heart is opened to us and can begin to heal. I pray that we can be his parents without pushing what we think is right on him, but instead allowing him to show us what he needs.
Thank you for all the support that has gotten us to this place and this day. We could never have come this far without all of you to help us along the way. I will try to post about how our day went today before we go to meet Konnor tomorrow. Our flight was very late today so this is all my fuddled mind could work on right now.